Give up or Give in
So am still doing re-sits….not a laughing matter. My mind is done, my body is dying.
Today my work was reviewed, a 12 year old could do better. Have I really lost my creativity? Am I really a true failure?
Now am sat in bed continuing to worry about my future….what if am not actually cut out to be a designer like I wasn’t to be a biomedical scientist, doctor, nurse and lawyer? Now what?
Who and what am I really?
I never showed fear the first time I fell into failure, but 2014 has been the most difficult for me that sleep and tears seems to be the only medicine to keep me calm.
I can’t speak to anyone, they won’t understand fully what’s happening to me….they’ll just say it’s laziness/stupidity or am a dull useless black girl.
There’s the route of all pressure on my head. Being a black African woman, under 25 pathetically dependant on her parents.
My family expects Soo much whilst society excepts Soo little of me.
Friends seem confused.
Lover is clueless. Am in pain and drowning from all the words and expectations. I followed my own but others seemed to catch up and continue to strangle me to death.
What is my purpose Lord? I’ve failed so many times, isn’t that enough?
Please answer me.